they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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