its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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