two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
