Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
