I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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