I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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