No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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