I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
