so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My life is pants optional.
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