Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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