I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
