I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
