just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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