We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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