I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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