She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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