Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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