fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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