as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
