I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
