i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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