she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Small penises have feelings too.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You took a bar mat shot.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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