I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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