At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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