well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My vagina just recognized that song.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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