i need an iv and a liver transplant
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
