I'm lost and stupid without you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize