We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
