i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
