my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
