So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
