I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
