I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
