I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
