The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize