Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Farmville is her only friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
