Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
