The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I AM VODKA MAN
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
