just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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