i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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