Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
