Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
