U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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