Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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