I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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