what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
