I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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