i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize