a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
