I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize