p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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