does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
