Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
