I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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