Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize