Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
