she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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