Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
