i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize