i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
