the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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