He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize