some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I booty called her while she was in labor.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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