dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
