Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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