I cannot find my penis.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize