I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
