I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
