I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
