It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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