My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize