I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
