I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
