i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
