I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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