i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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