If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
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