He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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