i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
