im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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