At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
