OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
