We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
