his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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