she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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