mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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