He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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