if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
