Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize