My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
