And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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