In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
